Spiritual Cross Road

I'm kind of at a spiritual cross road right now, and I guess I have been for a few days. My head and heart have been arguing back and forth about what I know and what I feel. It's almost like I'm standing on the outside watching this conversation take place. But, the pain I feel is too excruciating for a bystander, I'm definitely living this nightmare. I am fully aware that there is a battle going on here and I feel like I'm barely treading water.

It is definitely true that in this big of a loss people tend to either run to God or away from him. I thought we were in the midst of God when it all happened. Which has left me with the debate between my head and my heart. It goes something like this:

A God, what in the world are you doing? Is this your idea of a blessed life? What is the point of living, if this is all there is?

B. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts

A. God must be too busy with other things and he is obviously not seeing the pain I'm in. I do not feel like He really loves ME as a person. I know he loves all of mankind in general, but I really need to feel like God is actively involved and cares about me, individually. If he truly cared why would he have allowed all this to happen. 

B. For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels won't, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep Gods' love away. Our fears for today, or worries about tomorrow or where we are -- high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean -- nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when He died for us.

A. All throughout the Bible I read about how Faith moves mountains, heals the sick and raises the dead. But, our Faith obviously didn't work. If the only way it works is perfection, then no one will ever have enough faith. When we needed God most and had way more than 2 or 3 people gathered together in faith, our faith didn't work. How do I believe that my faith will ever work for anything? How do I trust God now? 

B. If I don't have faith, what do I have left. I am constantly reminded of what Steve always said when questions were left unanswered "Seek first the kingdom of God, everything else will fall in line."

This is just a sampling of the debate that I've been in, there is much more.
I have decided to ask God to somehow show me the answers I need, take away the questions he doesn't plan on answering, and help me to recognize His love. 
While I do not feel like I have enough Faith to keep going, I've determined that it is God's job to bring me through this.