Joseph, Moses, and Abraham

Everyone has something they are good at, I just happen to be good at college. I love college, I would seriously just keep going and racking up degrees if money were no object. To me, it seems like academics is the only thing I'm really good at. 

It doesn't matter how book smart I get, nothing that I've learned in school could prepare me for this tragedy. None of it can help me with the loneliness or give me answers. Since I was probably 7 years old,  my analytic brain has asked a lot of biblical questions and some of them have yet to be answered. There are still to this day a few things that I do not comprehend. There have been many times in the past that I've honestly wondered why God just didn't give up on me and all my questions. 

What I have realized over the years is that I don't think it upsets God for me to ask all my logical questions. Thomas doubted and it didn't make Jesus mad. As a matter of fact, sometimes I think the questions, whether they get answered or not, are all a part of God's plan to reveal something else. 

I still have all the same questions I have been posting about for the past month; they haven't been answered, but I have been doing a lot of reading and searching for answers to those questions. In my reading I have remembered that many people in the Old Testament, New Testament, and even today go through a lot of HELL on earth. Everyone always talks about Job, and that is a good reference, but I'm thinking about Joseph, Moses, and Abraham. Abraham had to leave his hometown, send his only son away, and later be willing to kill his other son. I have no idea why God allowed Joseph to be sold into Slavery or Moses' mother to have to give him away to save his life. But, what I do know is that God took it all and made something beautiful out of it. So while I'm questioning WHY didn't he stop all of this stuff before it caused all the suffering, I also see all throughout history that he took the broken pieces and formed something new. 

I don't know if I will ever be able to stop asking all the logical questions because that's just the way my brain works, but regardless of my questions I have no choice but to hope that all the hell I'm living now, the loneliness I feel, the regrets I battle, the agony of life without my soul mate will somehow be woven into a tapestry that I do not yet comprehend. If you ask me, there is no way that anything will ever change what I feel right now, but I'm trying to tell myself that there was a reason God didn't ask me. 

Today, I have been thinking a lot about these two versus. 

I have never been weaker than I am right now.

1 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  

I have no strength left. 

Zechariah 4:6 "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, say the Lord Almighty."