Open Letter to God

I really need you to give me some help with accepting all of this. I have no idea what you're doing, why did you give us so much hope while he was in the hospital and then let him die? I know that you didn't kill him, but you are the ultimate authority and ,according to Job, you had to approve it. I just can't get passed this; if you love me, why would you allow this to happen?

I know that people are always praying for things, like to win the lottery, and they don't get their prayers answered. I can see why those prayers don't get answered. I have always believed that Faith is what it takes to move from natural to super natural living. Steve and I have seen healing miracles and we've experienced prophecy fulfilled in our lives. We have operated in the gifts of the spirit and I can't count the number of lives he pointed to you. I know that it all hinges on Faith, but faith without works is dead. What I really want is a revelation of whatever it is that I don't know. Obviously, I'm missing something. I don't believe that you would allow someone to die because the pain medication had them to tired to pray, I believe that is when the Faith of the rest of us was to supposed to hold him. So, how do I explain this to my kids when I can't explain to myself why the praying didn't work. How do I help them keep an unshakable faith, when we just witnessed the faith of hundreds of people NOT work. What happened to "when two or three are gathered in my name" and "whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven"?

I am fully aware that faith only works when I'm believing within your will and I was. I know it's not your will   to cut short the life of someone that was going to draw countless more people to you. At this point, it just seems like a roll of the dice on when my faith is going to work or not and I can't accept that.

You are supposed to love me even more than my Dad; I just cannot comprehend any situation where my Dad would allow my Husband to die if he had the power to stop it. You could have simply returned his heart rhythm to normal and I cannot fathom any good reason that you didn't.

I've been trying trust you to "work all things together" for our good, but since you let Steve die, I'm having a hard time trusting. You designed marriage to be this kind of bond, you put us together and then you allowed us to be ripped apart way too soon.  You allowed my children to be fatherless. If you really know my heart, you know it's broken and desperate for something to hold onto. I'm really trying not to give up, but you are going to have to come really far to reach me. I need you to give me something and I don't know what it is, but you should.