Lately songs he used to sing to me just pop into my head and I find myself singing them . After the first line, I wonder why in the world am I singing this, it's torture. Tonight, it was "Good Morning Beautiful" I can actually still hear his voice singing this to me. Why is my brain allowing me to remember this right now?
Texts to remind me how much he loved me and how happy he was to share life with me. His hugs were incredible! I loved just sitting in the car holding hands on our way to wherever we were going. The way he always sat facing the door at a restaurant so he could see the entrance. The way he put his hand on small of my back to walk through a crowd. In a room of people, he knew I was uncomfortable and even from across the room he would keep eye contact with me. He was concerned about my line of work, but knew how much I loved it, so if he wasn't comfortable with where I was going, he just came along. He was constantly saying "smile babe" he loved to make me laugh. There are so many little things, I could write a book. I randomly remember things that only him and I knew and I realize there is no one on this earth that knows but me, there is no one who will think that is funny anymore. It's a new level of loneliness to realize all of our inside jokes only exist within me now.
He was an amazing husband and all the little things he did to make me feel like the most important thing in the world still astound me. I am incredibly thankful to have had him as a best friend and husband. But, these memories also make me try to remember what little things I did for him. Of course, I can't remember anything. I can only hope that I did enough little things over the 18 years we were together for him to know how important he was to me. I think the thought of this will haunt me forever.
If you are blessed enough to have a great man in your life start building the little memories; one day they will be the most important ones.
