Numb

I think I have entered a numb phase; basically attempting to ignore reality as much as possible and still function. I know it will catch up to me, but I don't want to deal with any part of this. Of course, every once in a while I will have a random memory that stops me in my tracks. But, if I try to deal with it all right now, I just end up questioning everything and regretting everything. Today, I remembered a few minutes that could have been when Steve had the massive heart attack. I had the thought at that time, that I was just going to take him to the hospital, but the pain went away rather quickly so, we just blew it off as Acid Reflux. If I had insisted that we go, he could still be alive right now. Steve wasn't the type to say that he needed to go to the hospital, but he always wouldn't have refused if I said I wanted him to go. Regrets like this are why I have to try to remain numb. My kids need the only parent they have left to be present and functional.

There are some things I have to face and make decisions on. We still have to choose the headstone for the grave and decide what it should say. How do I reduce what needs to be said to a few characters on a piece of stone?