Another morning

I keep trying to figure out why I don't just dream about him. I need something to hold onto besides the image of them frantically trying to save his life or me looking at his body in that funeral home. I finally had a very short dream that he came to kiss me, but he could only kiss me twice because if he kissed me a third time, I would die too. I was trying so hard to get him to kiss me a third time and take me with him and the dream ended.  I wake up to another day without him in it and more questions as to what the point of all this is. Then, I tried to dip a q-tip in the colloidal silver bottle and accidentally dropped it in. Now, I'm crying because I'm realizing that even something so small I would have taken to him for help because he always knew where the tweezers were and I have no idea. I'm sure I can figure out a way to get the qtip out, but he should be here.