Future

I used to make plans for the future; I used to be able to see myself in the future.I can't even visualize it anymore. I don't know if it's just a grief thing or what. When I try to make a future plan, I can't do it.
Lately, reality doesn't seem real. I feel like I'm watching days go by and not really living in them. We can be busy some days, but it doesn't take away how empty our lives are. It seems unbelievable, to some I'm sure, that one person can fulfill that much, but Steve did. I dream about him a lot now and the dreams have changed. At first when I would dream about him, I knew he was gone and something was separating us. Now we are always very close and sometimes we even talk about how he almost died, but didn't. Nothing separates us in my dreams anymore, I just wake up. God, I really really wish those dreams were my reality and I didn't have to wake up from them.