I feel like all of my conversations with God lately are about my state of absolute confusion about what he really wants. I have sat in countless church services throughout my life and over the last few months I've been more perplexed than ever. I've heard so many statements that are said with unwavering determination, but not a lot of explanation surrounds the statements. I heard a t.v. preacher saying if you love God and live a good life you won't die young. Really? What about the ones who died young are you really make a definitive statement that all those people did not love God and live a good life.
I understand that preacher's can't sugar coat everything they say and they feel strongly about what they are speaking about. But, sometimes I wonder how a new christian ever survives or the person like me dealing with having believed all of this forever and now grieving the loss of my husband.
You say: It does not matter what the circumstance is IF you have faith and believe then God WILL heal.
Grief hears: Something must be wrong with my faith because God didn't heal.
You say: God is sovereign and everything that happens is in his will.
Grief hears: It was God's will for my 44 year old husband to die, for me to fight depression, and my children to be fatherless. So what's the point of having faith?
You say: When you get on the other side of this pain, you will look back and see that it was all part of God's plan.
Grief hears: God needed for my husband to die to accomplish something else.
You say: Sometimes God allows bad things to happen to cause us to rely on him completely.
Grief hears: I wasn't a good enough Christian so God had to allow my husband to die and wake me up.
You say: If you just ask God for help he will give it to you. He says "my sheep know my voice and another they will not follow". He is close to the brokenhearted.
Grief hears: Since it seems like God has forgotten I exist, I must be too far gone. I AM BROKENHEARTED!
I don't know how to reconcile all these issues, but I know that most of them have an answer for. I really appreciate when a preacher can be honest if they don't know and just say, "I just don't know." It doesn't make me feel any better, less guilty, or more adequate, but at least it's honest.
It's a horrible feeling to sit in a church and hear a preacher say these things and all you can do is sit there silently saying, BUT WHAT ABOUT? It is really not about unbelief or doubting God, it is about the fact that some information is missing and I want to find it. There is such a difference between what is preached out of the Bible and what has happened. Unless I allow myself to believe what Grief hears, I need another resolution. I'm not asking Why my husband died anymore; I would love for God to give me that revelation, I think. What I'm asking is how do I resolve all these paradoxes. I'm sure that God has given someone a revelation on this.
Amy,
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right. There are preachers out there that say these things, when in fact, they really don't know what they're saying. The honest and most respected biblical scholars will tell you that they don't know these things. I believe the bible says, that we can not know everything there is to know about God. Our finite minds are too limited to comprehend the depths and the immensity of our God. I do not believe any preacher that would say, if you live your life for Christ, or if you're 'good enough' that nothing bad will ever happen.... that is not scriptural.... in fact it is the opposite, John 16:33 says "I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.
I don't have the answers, but there are many examples of righteous people in the bible that suffered, and unrighteous people that prospered, and even punished those that followed the one true God.
in Mathew, chapter 5, Jesus himself even said ..."He (God) causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends the rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
I don't believe that our lives are just random, and/or just happenstance, but things do happen for a reason, and we may never know until we reach eternity to discover why things happened the way happened.
Until then, we have to remain in the faith, and like the Bereans, we have to search the scriptures daily to continue to grow in knowledge and faith.
Please know that I am not a preacher, and don't have any sort of formal biblical training. I have found, and believe the best way to get answers is to read the word, and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart and reveal the truths that are in the living Word.
James 1 also says to consider it great joy... whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do it's complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.
It almost seems counter-intuitive to think that trials and suffering would produce joy, but knowing where your faith stands, in the one true God, and knowing you will be with Him in eternity can not compare to the trials and tribulations of this life, which in comparison are merely a speck in the timeline of our future with Him.
I guess the bottom line, and in the end, no matter what, the result is to bring Glory to God. If you continue in The Faith, and continue to praise God, and give him the glory, focusing on the good in your life, being thankful for the blessings he's already given you, and I'm sure will continue giving, and praising him for bringing you through these trials, I believe it will put a smile on God's face as far as the east is from the west.
So eloquently spoken, Gary. My heart goes out to Amy. I want to reach out to her at the end of each post, but have hesitated because I don't want anything to be interpreted as trite or lacking in compassion because of the mile marker in her journey. I know that she has to find her own way through the loss.
ReplyDeleteIn the midst of reading Amy's blog from start to finish, I find myself identifying with her because my own husband's death was sudden and unexpected, and we had no children. My comfort was found in the certainty that my faith in the goodness and incomprehensible love of God in spite of the devastation of my loss gave Him great pleasure.
The conclusion of Solomon in Ecclesiastes is that we find the meaning of life in a state of not only accepting God's infinite love in the good things He allows along with the devastating things but embracing it all, just as James says. We have to want to please God more than ourselves. I look forward to that time when we will be in the physical presence of Jesus. I have the vision of Him holding me, wiping my tears with his nail-scarred hands while gently explaining the beauty and perfection of the Father's plan. Only then will I fully realize how small was my own earthly suffering compared to what He willingly did for me on the cross and be able to marvel at His glorious wisdom in the execution of His grand design.