New Year

I realize I have already gone through all the firsts without him, but somehow this feels new. I have gone from Jan 1 of one year to Jan 1 of another without him. Beginning to end of an entire year without seeing him, talking to him, just being with him; it seems impossible to me. 

Even though it has been over 15 months since he passed away, every day brings deeper realization that he's really gone. It's crazy how I have gotten good at putting it out of my mind for small periods of time and the next thing I know I'm recognizing that this nightmare is real. 

This time between Christmas and the first week of January was the lowest time for me in 2013 and I thought it was just because it was the first Christmas without him, but I'm finding myself in the same position again this year. Now, I've gone through multiple firsts without him and I'm working through all my seconds without him. No day is easy, but some days are tolerable. Most of the time if a really bad day hits, a decent day is not to far away. I just don't know why this time of year is an extended series of bad days.

Here's to hoping 2015 is better than 2014.